Part 6 or You've been anxiously awaiting part 6

How many of you remember part 5?  That few? Well just scroll down and read it again. I know it's been a while so I'll be patient (patiently tapping my fingers on the table). ho hum.....


"We will start with the upstairs since you've seen much of the down stairs."

He led the way up the stairs to the upper levels of the mansion.  As we went I noticed that there were more and more things just lying around. I don't mean like statues and paintings and art of any kind, unless you include Bazooka Joe bubble gum wrappers art (which I do but I'm in the minority in that). I mean there was used glasses, plates, flatware and trash all over the place.

When we got to the top of the stairs, we were nearly knee deep in discarded napkins, paper towels, milk cartons (oh look there's one with a picture of me on it and I didn't even realize I was missing). Wait a minute, I'm NOT missing, I'm right here, in the CLIMB Mansion taking a tour with our rather tall and Nordic looking host. I looked at the date that the carton said I had been missing since and found out it was today's date! I turned around and found that not only was I knee deep in trash but there were about 5 of those gray creatures (I'll just call them Abba because I liked their music and wished to honor them in some way so now all the gray ones are called "abba".  As I was saying I had turned around and discovered 5 of those abbas were following us and one of them carried a long cylindrical device that, I'm sure I have no idea what it's used for.

Bob turned around and said "Oh don't worry about them, they are just used for moving things or well, people." With that, I started to feel lighter and stiffer. As I looked around I realized that I didn't want to be stuck in an undignified position so I tried to stand straight and tall but just as I was about to, I realized I had stepped in some gum and was bending over to remove it from my shoe when the stiffness became total.  Just visualize somebody with one foot up on one's knee and a string of gum stretching from the shoe to the floor and a hand digging at the shoe trying to get the gum off and your face frozen like you were thinking "ewww gross" and you'd have a picture of me at that moment. Which also was the picture used on the milk carton, by the way.

The next thing I knew I was floating above the trash on the floor and by trash I mean trash, no like what some people call other people simply because they aren't the same as they are and I think I am beginning to confuse myself.  Regardless I'm floating above the debris on the floor and Bob is calmly standing there about 3 feet above the mess and waving at the guests having a fine time with some looking at me and taking pictures.  I wonder how long I'll be missing? Oh well other things to think about, like what is that one abba going to do with that shiny cylinder?  Finally we float out an open window and into a room that looks like a laboratory.  The abba with the cylinder approached me and stopped just as he was about to pull the seat of my pants off. The other 4 abbas all confirmed and decided to rip the seat of my pants off anyway but then they put it back right side up so my wallet wouldn't keep falling out of it.  That seemed awful nice.  Then the abba with the object (cylindrical in case you forgot) approached my bung hole (which if you google it you'll find it has something to do with a hole in a cask of wine or liquor and NOT what you initially thought. After all this is a family show.

Part 5 or "You have HOW many fingers?"

It has been a while since I added to this. Hopefully I'll update it on a regular or possibly irregular basis.  As it's been irregular for the time being it will probably be that way for now.  I do mean to finish this story and I truly hope this has been and will be entertaining to you.  I hope it makes you smile even if you don't giggle like a school girl and all.  Now, on with the show!

Part 5 or "You have HOW many fingers?"

Having resolved my wallet situation, i.e. using my front pockets rather than trying to put it in my back pocket and having to keep a hand on my bum to keep it from falling out and landing on the floor (my wallet not my bum that could be a serious problem).

After about 30 minutes of milling about our host finally appeared on the balcony overlooking the main floor.
He was a charming looking man and, if I might add that though I'm straight, he looked very handsome and I
could now understand why the women were all staring glassy eyed at him and a few were even drooling.  I was not drooling, though I did catch myself once or twice. Anyway our host was tall, probably about 6 and a half feet tall with, what appeared to be a well toned body, blond hair and fair skin. He was wearing a suit that appeared to change colors as he moved and it was eye catching at the very least. He looked as I would assume to be Scandinavian. He was of course a Nordic. I see you nodding your head knowingly, but I don't think you understand. All the marvelous technology from the RSVP card to the car appearing and disappearing, the self-fixing body parts and clothes and most of all from the sparkling apple cider being served. Our host is an alien.  No, not an alien from Canada or France or where ever hear on Earth, but an actual alien from a distant star.

Our host began to speak. "Ladies and gentlemen welcome to my mansion the CLIMB Mansion.  I am your host Esdtjsate Ieouwaziou, which translated to your language or one of them you might understand so we'll use English Alvin Chipmunk."  There were a few snickers from some of the older persons in the room but most of us had no idea why they snickered. "But", he continued, "you can call me Bob.  I like Bob better and it's easy to spell and say and nobody snickers when I say 'call me Bob Chipmunk'. Please enjoy the party and if you drink too much, we have ways of fixing that." He gave a smile that looked menacing but it was probably because he wasn't used to smiling at large groups of people, or he had some malicious intent on his mind when he said what he said.

Everybody started clapping and forgetting they had flutes of cider in their hands, were sloshing the cider
all over the place, making a mess on the floor and on themselves and even on those standing next to them.As
for our host, he descended the stairs and started milling about like the rest of us.  He actually came over
to me and said "Ah, Mr.. so good to finally meet you, I've heard all about your work and think it's a truly
marvelous job you're doing." He stuck out his hand to shake and I took it and thought this doesn't feel odd
at all. His hand felt like mine and even had the requisite 5 fingers (okay 4 fingers and an oposable thumb)
and his nails were well manicured.  I graciously answered him saying "Thank you, though I had no idea you
were interested in medical billing software."

"Ah but I do care about what everybody does. How would you like a tour of the mansion?"

"That would be lovely sir, thank you."

He tapped the shoulder of one of the gray creatures (does that sound harsh to say "creature"? and spoke to it in a language I've never heard, though I've only heard English, French and Spanish. He could have been
speaking Greek for all I know. The little fellow looked up at me and I realized that all the gray people (is
that better) all appeared the same so to be impossible to tell one from another.  Oh well, that's to be
expected I guess when you're dealing with a hive mind and all.

Part 4 - Well you make up a title!

As I stood there in utter amazement as to what I was witnessing. People coming into the room hunting for a missing part, regardless of its importance to the body. Whether it be as little as a piece of clothing to cover one's bum or other unmentionable parts (though I could mention them but this is a family show after all) to one's head. Yes, you heard me right there have been a few headless bodies walking in and searching through the pile of parts for their head. To my continued amazement, the heads were calling out to their bodies and the bodies were following their head's voice.  Of course once the body retrieved the missing head it was placed on their neck and fused as good as new. However there was more than one incident where the head was placed on the body backwards and had to be fixed.  Those unfortunates were led to another room where upon hearing just a bit of screaming, the persons came back out with their head on straight.

I left the parts department (sounds like an automobile service department doesn't it) I was met by a small gray creature with big almond shaped eyes, what appeared to be slits for a nose, no visible ears and was absolutely naked, though there was nothing to see in um well either department whichever way you happen to lean. He, um it was holding a tray of champagne flutes filled with, what else, sparkling apple cider.  Our host must be one of those who abstain from strong drink and, as I later heard, had to be convinced that sparkling apple cider did not contain alcohol and so it became the drink of choice.

I milled about acknowledging folks as I passed. Trying to be polite and I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and there was this fellow dressed in what appeared to be a black tuxedo complete with a top hat and cape.  He had a thin black moustache that curled up at the ends. He was about the same height as me and  he held out a wallet.  "I believe this belongs to you, sir" he said.
"What makes you think that?" I asked then realized he probably looked inside and saw the id. Also the complete lack of cash or credit cards, not that he would have absconded with them, but nonetheless it was my wallet.
"Thank you sir, I hadn't even realized it was missing. "

"You are welcome and I think you should have another look at the rear of your slacks. Then it may dawn on you as to why you lost your wallet in the first place. Good day sir"

I reached behind me to slip my wallet into my back pocket when I heard it thud on the floor. Looking behind me I picked it up and spun around a few times trying to look at my backside as was suggested by the mysterious stranger, but I felt like what I imagine a dog chasing its tail would feel except I wasn't having fun. It did seem to be entertaining to a few people who gathered around me as I was spinning about.  I took my leave of them and asked one of the gray servers where the men's room was. He, well I'm going to start addressing them as he or she or it at random times to just chill about it, pointed me in the right direction and when I got there I was able to see that I put the seat of my pants on upside down. Now I was in a bit of a quandry. Do I go to the room where they fixed heads to fix my pants or do I just put my wallet in my front pocket? I chose the latter as the former scared me too much.

The Messsiest Alien...

just as a side note I'll try to keep these coming but sooner or later there will be a gap of time.  Not because of the alien but sometimes I just lose my train of thought.  Meanwhile enjoy.

Part 3 or Gee it feels a little drafty

It was 7:00 p.m. and I looked outside and the car that was destined to show up to pick me up appeared. Now when I say it "appeared" I mean that one moment the street was empty the next instant there was a car.  The back door was open and somebody was inside the car honking.  I suddenly remembered I had 5 minutes to get into the car ALL THE WAY in or unfortunate things may happen. So I ran down the stairs and flung open the door and raced for the car. The back door was open so I took a broad jump into the car just as the door closed and off we went.  After a moment to catch my breath, I started to feel a draft. Shifting around I realized that the back end of my slacks had been loose enough and was not in time to make it fully into the car therefore my back end was feeling a draft.

I looked out the window and realized that what I saw was stars and what looked like a piece of material that appeared to be the same color as my slacks. I thought about opening the window and grabbing them, but I was warned by a phone call to my cell phone.  "Hello Mr....please do not attempt to roll the windows down as the sudden decompression could be of a mild inconvenience to you.  I say "mild" because it would not last long enough to be a major inconvenience. Please enjoy the trip and keep your arms and legs and all other appendages inside the car at all times."

So I had to settle to feel my bum sticking to the seat and the part that should be covering up the part of me that should be covered floating along with us to what hopefully will be a grand party.

We, well the driver, car and me, arrived at our destination, the CLIMB Mansion. there were cars appearing and disappearing right and left and so far no 2 cars tried to occupy the same place at the same time.  I stood there in awe of watching the spectacle.  My mouth open and a drip of drool leaking out of the corner of my mouth getting dangerously close to leaving a trail down my shirt.  Which brings me to clothes. I had chosen my favorite black polo shirt and a nice pair of khakis, which, I'm sure you remember, was now missing a part of them.  Looking around at least nobody was laughing and there were some folks a little worse off than me.

As I approached the front door I was approached by a butler looking gentleman and I inquired as to where I might find a pair of pants.  He pointed to a room next to the entry way and said I may find what I'm looking for in there.  "It's where all the spare parts go upon arrival" he said. He walked on by leaving me to ponder what exactly he meant.  I opened the door and the room was filled with clothes, fingers, hands feet and you name it and all in good to pristine condition. I stood there looking around and a fellow who hd seemingly left his feet at home walked over to where the feet were apparently piled and found a couple and placed them at the end of his legs.  They stitched themselves to his legs and he was ready to go. 

I walked over to where the clothing was kept and after a bit of rummaging around with my bare bum in the air I found the remnants of my slacks.  I placed them over my bum and soon my bum was no longer feeling a draft or getting looks and snickers

The Messiest Alien (part 2)

Part 2 of my story of the Messiest Alien in the Mansion. Please forgive some overlap from the previous post. I'm trying to maintain continuity so I don't have to post the whole thing every time I add more to it. Enjoy.

"We just received your RSVP for the party and wanted to remind you that, while the card does not state what the dress code is, I assure you it's casual. Please do not wear anything that smells of livestock or any other creature except yourself and then only after you've showered and applied the correct amount of deodorant and other such smelly stuff you may wear on occasions such as this. That being said, have a great
and pleasant day and see you at the CLIMB Mansion on the 21st. " And with that, he hung up. I didn't even get to ask what does "casual" mean, let alone how he got my name and phone number. It could not have been from my RSVP card as I only just deposited it in the mail box not 15 minutes ago. I go to the mail box and try to look in and see nothing and it was at that instant the phone rang again.  I answered it again "Hello?"
It was the same voice as before "Hello again Mr...as an answer to your question regarding the definition of
"casual" it is, for men, slacks and polo shirt are just fine. And to explain your RSVP card it automatically
acquired enough mass, after you dropped it in the mail box, to transport itself directly to us. Good bye again sir."

He hung up again. This was getting annoyingly interesting.  I think the party should be as interesting as the
invitation.

It was a couple weeks until the party so I had plenty of time.  I went to the local library to look up the
history of the CLIMB Mansion.  It seems the word "CLIMB" didn't mean what we normally think of when we think of climbing say a mountain or ladder or aboard a train or some other ride. It stood for Cute Little Irish and I shouldn't complete the acronym because it could be offensive to some people. So it was abbreviated to CLIMB and most people don't know and don't care what it means. Usually if you get to go to the mansion as a guest, so I've heard, that you get treated like royalty and the technology inside is quite extraordinary and that makes me more excited thinking about it all. In fact it is difficult to concentrate on my job because of this party thinking.

The day of the party finally arrived and I was a bundle of nerves. Well, honestly, aren't we all? If it
weren't for the nerves we would not feel anything, but the good thing is nobody would be getting on them all
the time.  Hm that could be a fair trade off.  Regardless, the day arrived and I was informed, by the voice
on the phone, that a car would be at my house promptly at 7:00 pm and leave promptly at 7:05 pm regardless of whether or not I was in the car and the voice also told me to make sure I was COMPLETELY in the car as there have been unfortunate instances where, well to put it nicely, not everybody made it to the party in one piece.

The Messiest Alien

The Messiest Alien in the Mansion

I got home and picked up the mail from the floor and started looking at what arrived. The first 3 items were automatic approvals for three different credit cards. I ripped them in half and tossed them into the "shred box".   My shred box was so named because anything I throw in there will eventually get shredded into confetti.  So far it's worked well, though I had caught some money that seemed to make it into the box. I guess that's what you get when you empty your pockets and see nothing but paper and instead of going through each item they make it into the box. 

Back to my mail. Two bills came. The phone bill and the wireless phone bill.  A bit ironic perhaps that I keep a house phone but use my cell phone 90% of the time.  Oh well, just call me old-fashioned.

The next item was an odd looking envelope, it resembled a wedding or funeral invitation.  It was made of that good paper they always use for such things.  Hopefully it's not an invitation to a funeral, those things seem to just be dead and no life could ever be breathed into them. So I opened it and found out it was neither but an invitation to a party at the McKinney Mansion.  "Now who do I know at the McKinney Mansion that would invite ME to a party." Looking at the details of the party it said nothing of required attire or whether or not it was a masquerade party.  "I guess it's a 'come as you are' party."  I filled out the RSVP card and dropped it in the mailbox stating that I will of course attend the party

What happens to the RSVP card when is marked and deposited in the mailbox? It automatically transports itself to the sender so the sender can call the invitee thank you for responding so quickly and the attire is casual, but be sure to wear clothes. We've had problems before when using the "come as you are" notation people took it literally and came to the party naked.  We HAD to let them in since no clothing requirement had been established beyond what the invitee would, under most circumstances, have the intellectual prowess to wear clothes even if it were the clothes they spent all day raking out the horse stalls at the local race track.

Of course the phone rings and I answer it "Hello?"

"Hello, yes, have I reached..." (and he recited my phone number and name which I exclude here for privacy reasons, after all I don't want just anybody calling me at all hours of the day or night do I?)

"Yes you have reached me.  Who is this please?"

"We just received your RSVP for the party and wanted to remind you that, while the card does not state what the dress code is, I assure you it's casual. Please do not wear anything that smells of livestock or any other creature except yourself and then only after you've showered and applied the correct amount of deodorant and other such smelly stuff you may wear on occasions such as this. That being said, have a great and pleasant day and see you at the CLIMB Mansion on the 21st. "

What I believe part 1 or Wow 2 posts in one month!

Well, this is gong to be viewed as narcissistic, ho hum or, hopefully, something to trigger your thoughts on these same things.

Over the next few (1,832) posts, I'm going to express what I believe and try to communicate why I believe these things.  Okay 1,832 posts is a bit of an exaggeration, but there should be nearly 20. Let's get started.

1. I believe in God. I believe there's a supreme being who brought all this into existence. Genesis 1;1 states "In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep, and the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters. And God said, Let there be light; and there was light." Gen 1;1-3

There's this wild theory among the scientists who investigate creation and it's called the Big Bang theory (no, not the TV show, though it is a funny show). In this theory there is a singularity smaller than anything known to man and it suddenly explodes thereby creating the universe and providing the starting point for stars, planets, black holes and what ever else is out there that I'm not familiar with. To me and to many others, this theory and the beginning of the universe in Genesis is quite similar. Granted one is viewed through the eyes of scientists who may or may not believe in God and the other viewed through the eyes of religion, many of whom, not all, reject any scientific evidence that is out there. I think science and religion can coexist and the things stated in the Bible can be explained scientifically as well (well, I believe MOST things can be).

The first chapter of Genesis deals with creation from beginning through God resting on the 7th day. There's an argument, and I hesitate to bring it up here but I'm going to, that the universe is only 6,000 to 10,000 years old. One of the passages that support this is in 2 Peter 3;8 stating "But beloved,be not ignorant of this one thing, that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years and a thousand years as one day." Using that as support God created the universe and everything in it in 6,000 years.  God can do that. I don't dispute the faith in God that helps a believer to believe that. A teacher I once had in college said "You cannot put God in a box" meaning, to me, that you cannot  limit God to just what you believe. I do, however, think that the verse is basically telling us that to God time is immaterial. He's not restricted by time. He invented time.

Some scientists would have you believe that this is all an accident of nature. I look around me at the trees, grass, mountains, oceans and all the creatures living and I just cannot believe the "it's all an accident or coincidence". There is a design to it all. A hand that shaped it all.

That's why I believe there's a God and He created all things.