Part 4 - Well you make up a title!

As I stood there in utter amazement as to what I was witnessing. People coming into the room hunting for a missing part, regardless of its importance to the body. Whether it be as little as a piece of clothing to cover one's bum or other unmentionable parts (though I could mention them but this is a family show after all) to one's head. Yes, you heard me right there have been a few headless bodies walking in and searching through the pile of parts for their head. To my continued amazement, the heads were calling out to their bodies and the bodies were following their head's voice.  Of course once the body retrieved the missing head it was placed on their neck and fused as good as new. However there was more than one incident where the head was placed on the body backwards and had to be fixed.  Those unfortunates were led to another room where upon hearing just a bit of screaming, the persons came back out with their head on straight.

I left the parts department (sounds like an automobile service department doesn't it) I was met by a small gray creature with big almond shaped eyes, what appeared to be slits for a nose, no visible ears and was absolutely naked, though there was nothing to see in um well either department whichever way you happen to lean. He, um it was holding a tray of champagne flutes filled with, what else, sparkling apple cider.  Our host must be one of those who abstain from strong drink and, as I later heard, had to be convinced that sparkling apple cider did not contain alcohol and so it became the drink of choice.

I milled about acknowledging folks as I passed. Trying to be polite and I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and there was this fellow dressed in what appeared to be a black tuxedo complete with a top hat and cape.  He had a thin black moustache that curled up at the ends. He was about the same height as me and  he held out a wallet.  "I believe this belongs to you, sir" he said.
"What makes you think that?" I asked then realized he probably looked inside and saw the id. Also the complete lack of cash or credit cards, not that he would have absconded with them, but nonetheless it was my wallet.
"Thank you sir, I hadn't even realized it was missing. "

"You are welcome and I think you should have another look at the rear of your slacks. Then it may dawn on you as to why you lost your wallet in the first place. Good day sir"

I reached behind me to slip my wallet into my back pocket when I heard it thud on the floor. Looking behind me I picked it up and spun around a few times trying to look at my backside as was suggested by the mysterious stranger, but I felt like what I imagine a dog chasing its tail would feel except I wasn't having fun. It did seem to be entertaining to a few people who gathered around me as I was spinning about.  I took my leave of them and asked one of the gray servers where the men's room was. He, well I'm going to start addressing them as he or she or it at random times to just chill about it, pointed me in the right direction and when I got there I was able to see that I put the seat of my pants on upside down. Now I was in a bit of a quandry. Do I go to the room where they fixed heads to fix my pants or do I just put my wallet in my front pocket? I chose the latter as the former scared me too much.

The Messsiest Alien...

just as a side note I'll try to keep these coming but sooner or later there will be a gap of time.  Not because of the alien but sometimes I just lose my train of thought.  Meanwhile enjoy.

Part 3 or Gee it feels a little drafty

It was 7:00 p.m. and I looked outside and the car that was destined to show up to pick me up appeared. Now when I say it "appeared" I mean that one moment the street was empty the next instant there was a car.  The back door was open and somebody was inside the car honking.  I suddenly remembered I had 5 minutes to get into the car ALL THE WAY in or unfortunate things may happen. So I ran down the stairs and flung open the door and raced for the car. The back door was open so I took a broad jump into the car just as the door closed and off we went.  After a moment to catch my breath, I started to feel a draft. Shifting around I realized that the back end of my slacks had been loose enough and was not in time to make it fully into the car therefore my back end was feeling a draft.

I looked out the window and realized that what I saw was stars and what looked like a piece of material that appeared to be the same color as my slacks. I thought about opening the window and grabbing them, but I was warned by a phone call to my cell phone.  "Hello Mr....please do not attempt to roll the windows down as the sudden decompression could be of a mild inconvenience to you.  I say "mild" because it would not last long enough to be a major inconvenience. Please enjoy the trip and keep your arms and legs and all other appendages inside the car at all times."

So I had to settle to feel my bum sticking to the seat and the part that should be covering up the part of me that should be covered floating along with us to what hopefully will be a grand party.

We, well the driver, car and me, arrived at our destination, the CLIMB Mansion. there were cars appearing and disappearing right and left and so far no 2 cars tried to occupy the same place at the same time.  I stood there in awe of watching the spectacle.  My mouth open and a drip of drool leaking out of the corner of my mouth getting dangerously close to leaving a trail down my shirt.  Which brings me to clothes. I had chosen my favorite black polo shirt and a nice pair of khakis, which, I'm sure you remember, was now missing a part of them.  Looking around at least nobody was laughing and there were some folks a little worse off than me.

As I approached the front door I was approached by a butler looking gentleman and I inquired as to where I might find a pair of pants.  He pointed to a room next to the entry way and said I may find what I'm looking for in there.  "It's where all the spare parts go upon arrival" he said. He walked on by leaving me to ponder what exactly he meant.  I opened the door and the room was filled with clothes, fingers, hands feet and you name it and all in good to pristine condition. I stood there looking around and a fellow who hd seemingly left his feet at home walked over to where the feet were apparently piled and found a couple and placed them at the end of his legs.  They stitched themselves to his legs and he was ready to go. 

I walked over to where the clothing was kept and after a bit of rummaging around with my bare bum in the air I found the remnants of my slacks.  I placed them over my bum and soon my bum was no longer feeling a draft or getting looks and snickers

The Messiest Alien (part 2)

Part 2 of my story of the Messiest Alien in the Mansion. Please forgive some overlap from the previous post. I'm trying to maintain continuity so I don't have to post the whole thing every time I add more to it. Enjoy.

"We just received your RSVP for the party and wanted to remind you that, while the card does not state what the dress code is, I assure you it's casual. Please do not wear anything that smells of livestock or any other creature except yourself and then only after you've showered and applied the correct amount of deodorant and other such smelly stuff you may wear on occasions such as this. That being said, have a great
and pleasant day and see you at the CLIMB Mansion on the 21st. " And with that, he hung up. I didn't even get to ask what does "casual" mean, let alone how he got my name and phone number. It could not have been from my RSVP card as I only just deposited it in the mail box not 15 minutes ago. I go to the mail box and try to look in and see nothing and it was at that instant the phone rang again.  I answered it again "Hello?"
It was the same voice as before "Hello again Mr...as an answer to your question regarding the definition of
"casual" it is, for men, slacks and polo shirt are just fine. And to explain your RSVP card it automatically
acquired enough mass, after you dropped it in the mail box, to transport itself directly to us. Good bye again sir."

He hung up again. This was getting annoyingly interesting.  I think the party should be as interesting as the
invitation.

It was a couple weeks until the party so I had plenty of time.  I went to the local library to look up the
history of the CLIMB Mansion.  It seems the word "CLIMB" didn't mean what we normally think of when we think of climbing say a mountain or ladder or aboard a train or some other ride. It stood for Cute Little Irish and I shouldn't complete the acronym because it could be offensive to some people. So it was abbreviated to CLIMB and most people don't know and don't care what it means. Usually if you get to go to the mansion as a guest, so I've heard, that you get treated like royalty and the technology inside is quite extraordinary and that makes me more excited thinking about it all. In fact it is difficult to concentrate on my job because of this party thinking.

The day of the party finally arrived and I was a bundle of nerves. Well, honestly, aren't we all? If it
weren't for the nerves we would not feel anything, but the good thing is nobody would be getting on them all
the time.  Hm that could be a fair trade off.  Regardless, the day arrived and I was informed, by the voice
on the phone, that a car would be at my house promptly at 7:00 pm and leave promptly at 7:05 pm regardless of whether or not I was in the car and the voice also told me to make sure I was COMPLETELY in the car as there have been unfortunate instances where, well to put it nicely, not everybody made it to the party in one piece.

The Messiest Alien

The Messiest Alien in the Mansion

I got home and picked up the mail from the floor and started looking at what arrived. The first 3 items were automatic approvals for three different credit cards. I ripped them in half and tossed them into the "shred box".   My shred box was so named because anything I throw in there will eventually get shredded into confetti.  So far it's worked well, though I had caught some money that seemed to make it into the box. I guess that's what you get when you empty your pockets and see nothing but paper and instead of going through each item they make it into the box. 

Back to my mail. Two bills came. The phone bill and the wireless phone bill.  A bit ironic perhaps that I keep a house phone but use my cell phone 90% of the time.  Oh well, just call me old-fashioned.

The next item was an odd looking envelope, it resembled a wedding or funeral invitation.  It was made of that good paper they always use for such things.  Hopefully it's not an invitation to a funeral, those things seem to just be dead and no life could ever be breathed into them. So I opened it and found out it was neither but an invitation to a party at the McKinney Mansion.  "Now who do I know at the McKinney Mansion that would invite ME to a party." Looking at the details of the party it said nothing of required attire or whether or not it was a masquerade party.  "I guess it's a 'come as you are' party."  I filled out the RSVP card and dropped it in the mailbox stating that I will of course attend the party

What happens to the RSVP card when is marked and deposited in the mailbox? It automatically transports itself to the sender so the sender can call the invitee thank you for responding so quickly and the attire is casual, but be sure to wear clothes. We've had problems before when using the "come as you are" notation people took it literally and came to the party naked.  We HAD to let them in since no clothing requirement had been established beyond what the invitee would, under most circumstances, have the intellectual prowess to wear clothes even if it were the clothes they spent all day raking out the horse stalls at the local race track.

Of course the phone rings and I answer it "Hello?"

"Hello, yes, have I reached..." (and he recited my phone number and name which I exclude here for privacy reasons, after all I don't want just anybody calling me at all hours of the day or night do I?)

"Yes you have reached me.  Who is this please?"

"We just received your RSVP for the party and wanted to remind you that, while the card does not state what the dress code is, I assure you it's casual. Please do not wear anything that smells of livestock or any other creature except yourself and then only after you've showered and applied the correct amount of deodorant and other such smelly stuff you may wear on occasions such as this. That being said, have a great and pleasant day and see you at the CLIMB Mansion on the 21st. "